10 Lessons on Love - Lessons From Cyndie Spiegel
Published February 8, 2023 by Sabah V.
Human beings are inherently emotional creatures. It is coded in our biology to want love and to find a partner, as one of the main goals of humanity is to reproduce.
But, along the way, we face many obstacles and road bumps in our journey to find love. In her book, “A Year of Positive Thinking”, Cyndie Spiegel gives us her 10 lessons on love.
1. Sometimes the one you think is right is all kinds of wrong for you.
Analyze why you are in love with this person. Is it because of their looks, status, income or is it because of the type of person they are? Often times we make the mistake of committing to somebody that isn’t right for us. If you have made this mistake – don’t worry. It’s part of the journey. These mistakes are crucial in finding who you would be compatible with when the time is right.
2. There are a lot of folks with low expectations of what’s possible in matters of the heart. Remember, you get exactly what you allow yourself to receive.
It is common to see individuals lower their standards after receiving rejection a couple times. Being denied or losing love is a tough blow to one’s self-esteem, but it is important to keep your head up because you never know what’s around the corner.
3. You will, without question, experience the kind of love that cracks your heart wide open and sprinkles confetti on the table – but not until you decide that nothing less than this is an option.
Remember how I just said you never know what’s around the corner? It’s true. Never settle for less. You will one day find this type of jaw-dropping love, even if you had it before and your time with your partner ended. You will have it, but not until you decide that nothing less than this is an option.
4. Love is compromise, but if you find yourself in a relationship where the prerequisite is change, for either you or your partner, walk away and save yourself the heartbreak.
If the prerequisite is change, did you and your partner really love each other all that much?
When you are truly in love, you learn to adore your partner’s flaws. You see perfection in the imperfection rather than trying to patch those rough edges.
If you find yourself in a situation where your partner wants you to change, analyze the situation deeply. If you find yourself in a situation where you want your partner to change, question why you committed to this person in the first place.
5. All matters of the heart have challenges, but the lay-your-soul-on-the-line kind of love is one of the most natural feelings in the world.
There is no such thing as a relationship without obstacles, without road blocks, without arguments. It is inevitable. But when you and that person both lay your entire beings on the line to make things work out, it is a beautiful feeling.
6. When you unconditionally love someone, you see them as they are. When you love them with condition, you see them as you are.
Loving someone is loving every part of them. Not only the good parts, but loving the rough edges too. If you pick and choose what you want from your partner, you only like an idea of your partner you built in your head.
I’ll give an example for this one. I used to date a wonderful girl who would sometimes grow cold out of nowhere with me, obviously I didn’t prefer it. But, I loved that part of her as well. I knew those behaviors were linked to certain traumas from her past and it motivated me to deal with it in a way to bring a positive result for her. I loved those rough edges because it made her, her.
7. Love is a wide-open freedom in a tightly confined world.
Being in love can really transform the way you see the world. Having someone’s unconditional love can make you feel as if anything is possible. Isn’t it crazy how strong some feelings are?
8. When it’s right, you feel it in every cell of your being. When it’s wrong, you feel that too. Stay in close connection with your heart to know what is true for you.
There is a reason why people tell you to trust your gut feeling. And that’s because, it is usually right for some reason science can’t explain. If you find yourself not 100% sure about somebody – wish them well and move on with your life, because sooner or later this feeling of uncertain mess will grow much larger than you can handle.
9. Cynicism has a way of settling in, and if you allow it to, you can easily give up faith in the one thing that can save us all: love. Please don’t lose your faith. Love does exist.
When you’re in love, you view the world with this sort of glossy, happy outlook. When you go through heartbreak, the world feels darker and more grey. Heartbreak can really shift your reality for the worse – and this can bring on a sense of cynicism about love. Don’t let this feeling take over, there are so many people out there and so many experiences to be had. Just allow yourself to heal and wait patiently.
10. Most importantly, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be loved.
This is a good practice. Tell it to yourself. Say “I deserve to be loved” 3 times. Inhale. Exhale. Keep your head up, it is in our darkest moments the most beautiful lights shine through. Everything will fall into place.